Richard Nixon’s desk was pristine. Image: Getty

WHO KNEW SOMETHING as banal as the tidiness of your desk could fire off a bunch of thinkpieces analysing who you are as a person? But a picture of Prime Minister Anthony Albanese sitting in his, admittedly very neat and tidy, offices in Canberra has inspired some serious Gaston Bachelard-esque hot takes of what his choice of decor, books and even framed photos might offer as insight into who he is as a person. 

It’s not that Albanese has done anything particularly outrageous to his professional digs. In fact, you could take him out of the shot, and, sans the family photos, this could be any office in any building in any city. 

There’s some Rabbitohs and other sporting paraphernalia, a picture of the Holy Virgin, and books. The only real indication that this is the workspace of someone of import are the illustrations by the late and wonderful John Shakespeare.

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It’s neat. It’s fine. It’s dull.

There’s literally nothing happening here that hasn’t been carefully ticked off to articulate the image of a professional everyman who we’re meant to find relatable, if authoritative. It’s this dullness and complete lack of any quirk that makes it so perverse.

Let me explain. A large portion of the population has spent time at a desk in an office for any number of reasons. For some of us, we spend more time there than we do in our living rooms so, as depressing as it sounds, these workspaces become our second home that we begin to carve into them a certain amount of our personality.

You have the tidy timekeepers who are so organised that their desk looks vacant when they’re not there. There are those who truly believe in the messy desk theory and are convinced they’re geniuses because they leave paperwork spread out over their entire workspace. There’s the ‘woo woo worker’: crystals, some affirmations. Probably a salt lamp.

Albanese is none of these. It’s literally . . . nothing. Even Malcolm Turnbull had a cute little teapot (of course, he did) on his desk while Julia Gillard was often captured mid-work. Heck, even Scott Morrison had the inspiration to decorate his office with one of the most offensive decorative items to celebrate a “milestone”.

The absolute tonelessness of the current Prime Minister’s office has about as much zing as a white boucle sofa. Or an oat latte. Which could be argued is why he both won in such a massive landslide in his most recent election, and why people struggle to relate to him at the same time. There’s nothing about Albanese that screams risk or charisma. He’s just “safe”.

Not a bad thing, perhaps, given the current state of things globally. Boring might actually be the best thing for us.

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