I am become Ben Affleck. Destroyer of darts.
The coolest stage of smoking a cigarette is when it's 20 percent smoked, and hanging from your bottom lip. And it's cooler when you're in the Hamptons with your wife, J.Lo.

I JUST got back from a week “Out East,” which is what people who vacation in The Hamptons say when they know they’re actually way too poor to claim they’d vacation in the Hamptons. The other thing you do when you’re too poor to claim you’re vacationing in The Hamptons is drink cheap liquor in a crowded bar out of small plastic cups.Ā Ben Affleck, spotted recently on a Hamptons Vacation with his wife,Ā Jennifer Lopez, likely did not. But he kind of looks like he did. I know it too well. I emerged from my lodgings looking similar last week. (Shout out to Montauk’sĀ The Point).
Our perpetually dishevelled king is elsewhere being lauded for hisĀ DunkinĀ dedication, but what stuck out to me was that unbeknownst to the photographer, they captured him the exact moment he was experiencing the coolest stage of smoking a cigarette: when it’s been lit for around ninety seconds and is hanging perfectly balanced out of your mouth.
You mostly see it in old-timers. Farmers. Veterans (of inhaling), but also of war! It’s the true sign of a career smoker. It’s the true sign of genuine cool. These aren’t people who are offering you a dollar for a cigarette outside. These are people whose cigarettes become a part of them following the flick of a Bic.
The second coolest stage of smoking a cigarette is lighting one in a quiet room. There’s a scene in Django that lives rent free in my mind. Well, about three seconds of one. Leonardo DiCaprio’s character stands at the bar and lights himself a hand-rolled dart. Tarantino’s tight shot of the flame having its first dance with the tobacco and the paper crackles like a fireplace. Nothing has ever made me want to smoke a cigarette more.
Nothing, except maybe a wicked hangover and the late-night meal that’s overstayed its welcome.
Related:
Empires of the rich: celebrities who run lucrative businesses