Pete Davidson and Elsie Hewitt. Image: Getty

IT’S OFFICIAL: Pete Davidson is going to be a father. The announcement didn’t come via a heartfelt interview, a choreographed gender reveal or a glossy magazine spread. Instead, it arrived like most things in Davidson’s world, semi-ironic and with a dash of digital chaos yet entirely heartfelt deep down. Elsie Hewitt, the British model and actor currently starring as his co-pilot in life (and now, parenthood), confirmed the news on Instagram with a caption that reads like a punchline.

“Welp now everyone knows we had sex.”

And just like that, Davidson, Staten Island’s patron saint of millennial burnout, Hollywood’s most inexplicable romantic overachiever, and the man who once bought a decommissioned ferry for kicks, is crossing the Rubicon into fatherhood.

This isn’t exactly the arc anyone could have storyboarded when Davidson first sauntered into the national psyche via “Weekend Update” nearly a decade ago, armed with deadpan delivery and stoner logic. Since then, he’s become a sort of postmodern anti-heartthrob. Equal parts tragic and hilarious, always erring just far enough off-script to keep things interesting. From high-profile breakups to public rehab stints, he’s been the guy on the periphery of disaster who somehow makes the fallout funny. Perhaps the charm is that every step of the way, he’s always trying to be better or do better and actually grow from experience. 

To be fair, even the “perpetual guy on the couch” image he has managed to cultivate is, itself, one long bit. No one reaches Davidson’s level of success without actually putting in a fair amount of work. So the transition to “guy buying the crib” shouldn’t be a shock. If anything, it feels like the most pre-ordained event in Davidso’s life. 

And that feels like a generational milestone, not just for Davidson, but for everyone who’s ever felt like they were growing up sideways. If Pete can do it, the man who turned vulnerability into a career,  maybe we all can. Maybe being ready isn’t the point.

Davidson and Hewitt have reportedly been nesting in Brooklyn and Upstate New York, occasionally surfacing for red carpets and blurry paparazzi snaps. Their romance is Instagram official and, as of this week, biologically confirmed. Davidson hasn’t publicly commented, but then again, when has he ever needed to? His entire life has been one long, meta monologue, delivered straight to camera, half-smirk intact.

And who knows, parenthood might just be his greatest performance to date.