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WORD ON the street is that Willy Wonka and Kylie Cosmetics are having the collab of the century. Timotheé Chalamet (who will play the infamous chocolatier in Wonka) and Kylie Jenner (of the Kardashian-Jenner dynasty) are dating. At least that’s what the tabloids say.

Call me a skeptic, but I have my doubts. According to publications such as ET Online and Page Six, Jenner and her new beau are keeping things “low-key.” Perhaps “low-key” is code for non-existent? These two have never been spotted publicly. Not even once. All we have are creepy paparazzi snaps. I understand wanting to keep a relationship private—especially when Kardashians and Fremen are involved—but all the anonymous sources in the world can’t expect us to believe they only hang out behind closed doors. Right?

If there’s one thing I learned in college, it’s that a relationship that doesn’t see the light of day isn’t a relationship at all. No shame in the game—everyone deserves to have a little fun! I’m just not sure that constitutes the budding romance narrative that the media wants us to believe. If I’m wrong (which I very well could be), then Kylie and Lil Timmy Tim must have something special enough to protect.

That leads me to my next series of questions. What on earth do they talk about? Has Chalamet met Jenner’s kids? Has she helped the actor practice his Bob Dylan voice? Do they meander about Jenner’s mega-mansion Call Me By Your Name-style, exchanging longing looks and unbridled passion? If so, have they invested in tissues? Because Call Me By Your Name doesn’t end well.

Here’s to all the happiness, chocolate, and lip kits this beautiful life has to offer.

According to Elle, my doubts are unfounded. The famous duo’s relationship reportedly began in the spring, sparking dating rumors back in April. Since then, a source revealed that the couple made it a priority to hang out, despite their busy schedules. “Kylie and Timothée are still seeing each other when they can,” the source said. “Kylie is busy with work and traveling a lot, but they make time for each other when it works and both like each other. They’re keeping things low-key and chill for now, but get along great and have fun together.”

OK, sure. But what about the breakup rumours? A couple of weeks ago, yet another tabloid (Life & Style), claimed that Chalamet kicked Jenner to wherever the sandworms live. An unidentified source said that Jenner is “telling people that things between them naturally fizzled out because they’re both busy and traveling.” Meanwhile, friends are “whispering” that she was dumped.

“eatin pizza wbu?” | Gotham / GETTY IMAGES

Oh, but there’s more! The tabloids continued to spin madly on. Neither Chalamet nor Jenner responded to the breakup rumour, but TMZ reportedly contacted multiple people who are “close to the couple” to get the story straight. Say what you want about TMZ, but its sources tend to be credible. “Our sources say everything is cool between the two,” TMZ reported. “They’re still an item and any reports that say otherwise are false.” One of TMZ‘s sources urged fans, “not to believe everything they read.”

Alas, the mystery continues.

No one knows who these sources are—or where they’re getting their information—but if TMZ is correct, then I guess congratulations are in order. Here’s to all the happiness, chocolate, and lip kits this beautiful life has to offer.

Related:

Timothée Chalamet bathed in real hot chocolate for Wonka, director reveals

Timothee Chalamet will star — and sing — in Bob Dylan biopic, ‘A Complete Unknown’